I wish I could punch you in the face.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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