What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
