please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
