So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
