Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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