Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
