There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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