Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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