My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
