So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
