just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
