i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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