First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
