Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
