Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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