rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
