You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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