I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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