I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
