I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
