Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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