Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
