we're chasing vodka with high fives
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
