Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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