I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
