I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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