FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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