Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
