I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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