she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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