i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
