I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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