Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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