So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
