Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
