Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
