it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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