Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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