I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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