Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
