Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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