I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
