Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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