Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
