This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
