so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
