Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
3 2 1 whiskey
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
