I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
