so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
