His pubic hair was longer than his dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
