matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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