D3 body, D1 cock
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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