you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
