I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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